Aisling Gordon shares her own tips and suggestions for taking care of yourself and your family during this time.
My family and I have been living with mica for 5 and a half years now. Early in this process I recognised that we as a family were going to need to find ways to remain well through it.
I've been reflecting on some of the things we've found helpful in trying to stay well. I thought I'd share them ....perhaps somebody will take something from it....
*TAKE YOUR BREAKS
This can be an all consuming process. Ask myself, what is it that offers me an escape? What is it I haven't done for a while that I love to do? What is it that I enjoy that I've been putting off 'until' this is resolved? Is it running, sea swimming, crafts, watching movies, walking the beach, reading, cooking? Discover what that is for you, and give yourself permission to do it. No problem is so big that it needs ALL of our attention ALL of the time. In fact, the bigger the problem the greater the need for a break from it. Restore value to escaping. One thing thats for sure is that this is a lengthy process of many years. It's important to have elements of fun.
*HONOUR YOUR FEELINGS
There will be good days, there will be bad. Remember that our feelings are temporary, they come, they go. On my low days, validate those feelings of anxiety, worry, fear, anger, depression. Of course I am feeling this way. No there isn't something 'wrong' with me because I am. The reality is that i am going through a traumatic life experience. Reminding myself that what I am feeling is being felt by others too. These feelings aren't me, they are a natural emotional response to this difficulty I am going through. Can I begin to accept these difficult emotions, allow them, recognise that they are valid and temporary. Can I let friends and family know when I am having a low day? How comfortable am I to say to another "You know what, today is a difficult day, it's just hard today"? Likely not too comfortable! Perhaps it can become easier with a little practice. It's all too easy to become stuck in the more difficult emotions, so how do I ensure that I'm not staying stuck in them?
*BLOCK OFF AN AGREED PERIOD OF TIME WHERE MICA IS NOT DISCUSSED IN THE FAMILY
For example, you recognise that the topic is seeping into every conversation, over every meal, into every interaction. You might decide for example as a family, that from 5pm this Friday until 5pm Saturday nobody will bring up the subject or refer to it in any way. We have found this unbelievably refreshing in our house!
*LIMIT SOCIAL MEDIA
Ask myself, am I spending too much time on social media? How am I benefiting from the time I'm spending on there? Am i reading excessively on the topic of mica? Is this removing me from being present with my partner/children? How is it affecting my mood? There can be a fear that we may miss some nugget of information that will make all the difference to our situation. Ask myself, am I spending too much time sifting for this magic post or comment? Ultimately asking myself, is it serving me to spend this much time on social media just now? What would I be doing with my time if I weren't spending it I this way?
*SEEK OUT ACCURATE PRACTICAL ADVICE AND INFORMATION
This can be easier said than done. Ask myself, whose advice do I truly value here? There are a lot of voices on this issue now. There will be opinions from friends, family, journalists, politicians, social media .....it can be noisy and overwhelming. Again, in the interest of minding me here, asking myself who's voice do I value the most here? Do I have a professional adviser/engineer that I trust? Who is most supportive to me in this? Am I seeking out reasonable advice?
*STOPPING THE SPIRAL
It is very easy to spiral into anxiety in a very short space of time. This can be brought on by a social media post, a conversation on the street, a harrowing newspaper article, spotting a new crack, seeing a loved one upset. Can i catch it before it takes hold. Can I recognise when I am heading this way? What can I do to deter it? Can I call a friend, go for a walk, escape into a hobby, exercise? Remembering that sometimes I'll manage to avoid spiralling, and sometimes I may not. Being kind to myself in both instances.
*STEP BY STEP
There is a lot to be done on the practical level. It can be so overwhelming. It makes it feel more manageable to work it out one step at a time. If I haven't begun this process at all yet, ask myself what's the first step I need to take to begin this process? I can only do one step at a time, and when I've done one I can move on to the next. If I'm already mid process, then it's asking what's the next necessary step for me to take. Some steps are lengthy and require patience and acceptance....a lot of it! Asking myself have I done all I can for now in this practical process? Have I sought the best advice and followed it? If the answer is yes then my job for now is to wait, and keep myself and my family well until we can begin the next step.
*LEAN ON SUPPORT
There IS support. Recognising that I deserve to be well supported in this and valuing myself enough to ask for it. Who from my friends and family can I lean on when I need to? Is there a friend i can bounce off in confidence when I'm questioning whether my child/partner is coping OK with this? Am I aware that Insight Inishowen have a helpline I can use? Again, can I practice becoming more comfortable asking for support when I need it? We all need support. If I'm denying myself that support because I see it as weakness, can I be bold enough to stand up and ask for it? To recognise that OF COURSE i need support through this. Who doesn't!
*MIND THE CHILDREN
This one tugs at the heart strings. Am I being mindful of limiting children's exposure to the effects of this? Am I being mindful of keeping the heavier conversations with my partner for a time when the children are not in the room? Am I providing opportunities for them to share their worries and concerns? Am I taking time to answer their questions? How am I providing them with the sense of security and safety that every child needs? (As much as I can considering that they are living this experience too). And perhaps most important of all, am I spending time with them engaged in fun activities? Children learn and process everything through play. Am I creating opportunities for connection through play on a daily basis? And am i giving myself credit for the amazing job that I am doing as a parent simply bringing my children through this in the very best way I can?
*PERFECTION IS AN ILLUSION
Am I reminding myself that there is no 'perfect' way to go through this experience? Each day we live it is progress. Am I staying out of comparison to my friend/neighbour who is maybe making different choices than me and experiencing this in a very different way? Am I giving myself credit for going through the motions of this? Am I recognising my strength and resilience here? Such strentgh!
Ultimately living with mica is a hugely traumatic experience. We must give ourselves credit for getting through it day by day and striving for the best for ourselves and our families. This is both a practical and emotional issue. Hopefully we can continue to build awareness around the mental health impact of this and learn to care for ourselves in it as best we can
My family and I have been living with mica for 5 and a half years now. Early in this process I recognised that we as a family were going to need to find ways to remain well through it.
I've been reflecting on some of the things we've found helpful in trying to stay well. I thought I'd share them ....perhaps somebody will take something from it....
*TAKE YOUR BREAKS
This can be an all consuming process. Ask myself, what is it that offers me an escape? What is it I haven't done for a while that I love to do? What is it that I enjoy that I've been putting off 'until' this is resolved? Is it running, sea swimming, crafts, watching movies, walking the beach, reading, cooking? Discover what that is for you, and give yourself permission to do it. No problem is so big that it needs ALL of our attention ALL of the time. In fact, the bigger the problem the greater the need for a break from it. Restore value to escaping. One thing thats for sure is that this is a lengthy process of many years. It's important to have elements of fun.
*HONOUR YOUR FEELINGS
There will be good days, there will be bad. Remember that our feelings are temporary, they come, they go. On my low days, validate those feelings of anxiety, worry, fear, anger, depression. Of course I am feeling this way. No there isn't something 'wrong' with me because I am. The reality is that i am going through a traumatic life experience. Reminding myself that what I am feeling is being felt by others too. These feelings aren't me, they are a natural emotional response to this difficulty I am going through. Can I begin to accept these difficult emotions, allow them, recognise that they are valid and temporary. Can I let friends and family know when I am having a low day? How comfortable am I to say to another "You know what, today is a difficult day, it's just hard today"? Likely not too comfortable! Perhaps it can become easier with a little practice. It's all too easy to become stuck in the more difficult emotions, so how do I ensure that I'm not staying stuck in them?
*BLOCK OFF AN AGREED PERIOD OF TIME WHERE MICA IS NOT DISCUSSED IN THE FAMILY
For example, you recognise that the topic is seeping into every conversation, over every meal, into every interaction. You might decide for example as a family, that from 5pm this Friday until 5pm Saturday nobody will bring up the subject or refer to it in any way. We have found this unbelievably refreshing in our house!
*LIMIT SOCIAL MEDIA
Ask myself, am I spending too much time on social media? How am I benefiting from the time I'm spending on there? Am i reading excessively on the topic of mica? Is this removing me from being present with my partner/children? How is it affecting my mood? There can be a fear that we may miss some nugget of information that will make all the difference to our situation. Ask myself, am I spending too much time sifting for this magic post or comment? Ultimately asking myself, is it serving me to spend this much time on social media just now? What would I be doing with my time if I weren't spending it I this way?
*SEEK OUT ACCURATE PRACTICAL ADVICE AND INFORMATION
This can be easier said than done. Ask myself, whose advice do I truly value here? There are a lot of voices on this issue now. There will be opinions from friends, family, journalists, politicians, social media .....it can be noisy and overwhelming. Again, in the interest of minding me here, asking myself who's voice do I value the most here? Do I have a professional adviser/engineer that I trust? Who is most supportive to me in this? Am I seeking out reasonable advice?
*STOPPING THE SPIRAL
It is very easy to spiral into anxiety in a very short space of time. This can be brought on by a social media post, a conversation on the street, a harrowing newspaper article, spotting a new crack, seeing a loved one upset. Can i catch it before it takes hold. Can I recognise when I am heading this way? What can I do to deter it? Can I call a friend, go for a walk, escape into a hobby, exercise? Remembering that sometimes I'll manage to avoid spiralling, and sometimes I may not. Being kind to myself in both instances.
*STEP BY STEP
There is a lot to be done on the practical level. It can be so overwhelming. It makes it feel more manageable to work it out one step at a time. If I haven't begun this process at all yet, ask myself what's the first step I need to take to begin this process? I can only do one step at a time, and when I've done one I can move on to the next. If I'm already mid process, then it's asking what's the next necessary step for me to take. Some steps are lengthy and require patience and acceptance....a lot of it! Asking myself have I done all I can for now in this practical process? Have I sought the best advice and followed it? If the answer is yes then my job for now is to wait, and keep myself and my family well until we can begin the next step.
*LEAN ON SUPPORT
There IS support. Recognising that I deserve to be well supported in this and valuing myself enough to ask for it. Who from my friends and family can I lean on when I need to? Is there a friend i can bounce off in confidence when I'm questioning whether my child/partner is coping OK with this? Am I aware that Insight Inishowen have a helpline I can use? Again, can I practice becoming more comfortable asking for support when I need it? We all need support. If I'm denying myself that support because I see it as weakness, can I be bold enough to stand up and ask for it? To recognise that OF COURSE i need support through this. Who doesn't!
*MIND THE CHILDREN
This one tugs at the heart strings. Am I being mindful of limiting children's exposure to the effects of this? Am I being mindful of keeping the heavier conversations with my partner for a time when the children are not in the room? Am I providing opportunities for them to share their worries and concerns? Am I taking time to answer their questions? How am I providing them with the sense of security and safety that every child needs? (As much as I can considering that they are living this experience too). And perhaps most important of all, am I spending time with them engaged in fun activities? Children learn and process everything through play. Am I creating opportunities for connection through play on a daily basis? And am i giving myself credit for the amazing job that I am doing as a parent simply bringing my children through this in the very best way I can?
*PERFECTION IS AN ILLUSION
Am I reminding myself that there is no 'perfect' way to go through this experience? Each day we live it is progress. Am I staying out of comparison to my friend/neighbour who is maybe making different choices than me and experiencing this in a very different way? Am I giving myself credit for going through the motions of this? Am I recognising my strength and resilience here? Such strentgh!
Ultimately living with mica is a hugely traumatic experience. We must give ourselves credit for getting through it day by day and striving for the best for ourselves and our families. This is both a practical and emotional issue. Hopefully we can continue to build awareness around the mental health impact of this and learn to care for ourselves in it as best we can
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